Because Motherhood

Writing this because motherhood is...

Going to numerous checkups throughout your pregnancy with eagerness and a little bit of nerves because after having miscarriages, you can't wait to hear that heartbeat confirming your baby is alive and doing well!

Getting a spinal tap inserted by a doctor who was struggling to "find the sweet spot" because my spine seemed "crooked." Yikes, that was scary stuff.

Adapting to having your little human feeding off your boobs because you produce milk now. (Like what?) It is crazy amazing. 

Applying balm on your sore and cracked nipples the first weeks because ouchie.

Running on little to no sleep because you want to make sure baby is breathing, well-fed and feeling loved. Sleep feels overrated.

Using the OG NoseFrida to suck out boogers because your newborn baby needs his little nose cleared. Never had I ever. 

Changing an insane amount of diapers every single day because baby doo doo doo doo doo doo.

Appreciating your mom staying at your house to help out, eventhough she raised a very self-sufficient woman, because c-section recovery and being a first-time mother is ROUGH; and then realizing that eventhough you'd want her to stay longer, you tell her that the first five weeks was plenty because you're considerate and know that you need to learn to do things on your own. I had to be strong and keep it real.

Moving around like a turtle the first months because that c-section recovery is no effing joke.

Cleaning your newborn's circumcision bloody wound for several days because they cut off a pedacito de carne from your pedacito de carne. 

Wiping vomits off your clothes, arms, hair, etc for what seems never-ending.

Learning to use your sloppy left hand to eat your cold meals because baby is feeding on your right boob. 

Showering as quickly as possible (no more long, relaxing showers) while making quick trips to check on baby because your momma instincts are on high alert 24/7 since day one.

Upgrading your under eye concealer because you didn't know that there was a whole other level of dark circles. 

Praying every single day for your little family because you feel responsible for their spiritual protection and guidance. 

Feeling immense, incomparable gratitude every morning when you look at your little miracle breathing calmly because God has blessed you with your ultimate heart's desire. 

Doing whatever is needed and whatever it takes for your baby because he is the most precious blessing from God. 

Loving unconditionally because THIS is agape love. 

Hoping you are doing absolutely everything you can and need to raise a beautiful soul who is wise, kind and honest... because this is the most important job you have EVER had!

Whataburger Parking Lot

As I was paying at the drive-thru, my baby started to cry in the back. I had initially planned to eat at the Hobby Lobby parking lot to contemplate some unnecessary shopping before going over to Walmart for some necessary shopping; but, he rarely cries in the car seat, so I decided to immediately park and have my extra late lunch in the back seat with him.

I unbuckled my little man, sat him next to me and his cries instantly turned into smiles. I scarfed down my meal so that I could play with him... and I SOAKED IT ALL IN!

I looked up and said," Thank you, Lord for THIS moment." For these are the little moments we will forever cherish. Those that open up a plethora of emotions and connections of what was and what is. I was filled with immense gratitude for being alive and able to enjoy my son.

It also reminded me of other times I've been at a Whataburger parking lot. When I was sobering up after a night out with friends or taking a quick nap in my car (to sober up also) before I drove down to the Valley from Austin. Things have DEFINITELY changed!

This made me feel incredibly content about how my life has unfolded. Some may scoff that I'm an "old" mom, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I am a mature mom who does not long to party like a rockstar anymore; been there and DONE with that!

I am going 110% hard in my mom era, like there is no tomorrow!

This brings me to a Bluey meme which was what inspired me to write about this... "Can we normalize NOT wanting a break from our child(ren)? I always feel pressured to take a break from my kid(s), but I don't want one. And when I do get one, I just think about getting back to them the entire time. Being a mom can be stressful and overwhelming, but it's all I've ever wanted and I want to be with my kids all the time. That's not a bad thing."

Felt this, except I'm not one to feel pressured. I'm only six-ish months in, but I don't want a break (yet)... he's MY responsibility, MY answered prayer, MY priority, MY Amorcito pedacito de carne!

I chose to hit pause on my professional life to be fully present in his life. The first years of development are crucial... and time is of the essence, y'all! 🍔🍟🤱🏻🩵🦁 #MadeInManhattan #LosBoninos2025 #Mark10v27 #Psalms37 #GratitudeOverload #Romans831

Made in Manhattan

Our four-year fertility journey of trying to conceive (TTC) includes: about 1000 injections 💉, numerous doctor visits and lab work in multiple cities, two unsuccessful inseminations (IUIs), two heartbreaking miscarriages in August 2022 👼🏻 & March 2023 👼🏻, getting our hopes up every single month for about 39 months only to repeat with hopeful tears: "Maybe next month" 🙏🏼🥲... and then came May 2023, when we decided to give IVF a try!

How could we lose hope when this is the deepest, most driven desire we've cultivated and journeyed together? It has only drawn us closer and made our love, admiration, and appreciation stronger! 💪🏼💖 I also have a newfound respect and admiration for women who have gone through IVF, because it is QUITE the freakin' journey mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. 

And amidst one of the most arduous journeys, we remained full of Faith, Hope, and Gratitude... but it was still not the right time. A failed IVF in June 2023 was perhaps one of the most difficult things to endure because we put so much effort and hope into it. 😞 

After genetic testing and speaking to a geneticist, it seemed that IVF was going to be our best option; but we needed a break, and so we planned for a second round of IVF until January 2024. 

We decided that for the second half of 2023 we were going to travel as much as we possibly could, I would begin running and taking graduate classes again. Fast forward to December 2023... and we visited so many amazing places, I earned two As on my grad classes, and I ran (and won 🥇🥈🥉) a lot! 

They always say that when you're least expecting or out on vacation relaxed, is when it happens. The thing is, we knew that that didn't necessarily apply to us, because our journey is a unique, complex one. So, I hadn't been checking my fertile window nor had I been doing all our baby-making rituals.

But boy, did God have a big surprise for us because... WE'RE HAVING A BABY, Y'ALL! 🤰🏻👶🏻💕🎉

It was during our Thanksgiving trip to NYC when our long-awaited miracle happened. 🌟  New York City has always been a special place for us... from getting proposed at the Rockefeller in front of my family, to enjoying all the gems the "City that Never Sleeps" offers, and to now being the place where our little miracle baby was conceived. 

Our little one was Made in Manhattan! 🗽 

As I mentioned previously, we were not even trying to conceive because a natural pregnancy for us could potentially lead to another miscarriage. Heck, two weeks after our NYC trip I even ran the Reindeer 5K Run and I thought it was pretty strange that I threw up after the race. It's only 3 miles?! I started to notice little things here and there that gave me the feeling that I might be pregnant... but I waited until December 11th, 2023 to rush home to take a pregnancy test with my Hubby. We first used a generic test that showed a faint (+) line and then we used a Clear Blue digital test and... Pregnant! 

Something that seemed so far away for us is finally here! For our tenacity & perseverance has proven fruitful and we have been BLESSED with the miracle of conception. Hubby and I are on cloud nine! For we have prayed so very much and done everything possible for this! 

Little one, you are SO DESIRED and LOVED beyond measure! 🥰

We can say it was due to all our efforts along with innumerable factors that propelled us to an amazing new peak in our life and marriage... yet ALL that and STILL, it's ultimately God's timing, which is always perfectly on time! I would not want it any other way. We knew the importance of waiting to have a family until we had a stronger foundation, and God knew when it would be even more OPTIMAL for us. 

This journey has only strengthened our marriage, our patience, and our faith. We are beyond GRATEFUL, HUMBLED and APPRECIATIVE with firstly God and secondly with all those who kept us in their prayers and kept sending us the best vibes. We definitely feel the love! 🙏🏼🥰

¡Muchísimas gracias a todos! Thank you all so very much & we humbly ask for continued prayers and good vibes for a healthy pregnancy! We cannot wait for that magnificent day when we get to hold our precious little miracle baby in our arms! 🤰🏻👶🏻💕🤱🏻👨🏻‍🍼 #LosBoninos2024

Thirty (ish)

Looking back at my wild twenties feels almost ancient to me. I have to admit that I was a little worried that I was never going to get tired of all the partying. Who would have thought that I would now be spending almost all of my free time attached to my husband’s hip and drinking once in a blue moon? Laura Luzbeth Coria so devoted to her husband and turning down drinks? Y’all better believe it… I love this guy more than I ever thought possible and drinking is just not as enticing when you’re trying to stay fit. I strongly desire and envision myself being a self-sufficient, devoted mother (just like my Momma) and am grateful that when the time comes to be a mom, I won’t have those “wild 20” cravings because I have truly gotten them out of my system already; thank goodness!

Even though our twenties are so fun and carefree, there is something undeniably and incredibly enjoyable about being in our thirties; well, that's until I got to the total game changers... 35 and 36! My, oh, my, have these been some tumultuous years. Would these years be considered early midlife crisis?  

When I decided to move to a small town to be with my then-boyfriend-now-hubby that was perhaps one of the biggest leaps of faith I had ever taken. We weren't engaged yet and I had never lived with a guy before, mostly because I had avoided serious relationships for about 12 years. Also, what would a small town life be like for someone who has always thrived with that hustle and bustle lifestyle? But of course I was up for the challenge! Although I have always prided myself with my ability to adapt to new environments without completely assimilating and being able to maintain my essence, it has not been as easy as I thought it would be. The complexities of love and relationships alone are a lot of work... and then add work stress, vicarious trauma from counseling students, being away from family & friends, a global pandemic, multiple deaths in the family and then also dealing with heartbreaking infertility (that is a whole other story). It’s been an extremely heavy period in my life, but filled with important life lessons and definitely humbling at the same time. 

 

One thing that hasn't change for me is my love for traveling. I’ve had my fair share of solo travels, but now I LOVE traveling with my husband and cannot wait to take our future babies on adventures (that we pray God blesses us with eventually). Traveling is essential because it broadens your horizons and is genuinely the best education you can get. To me a good life is a life well-traveled. When my husband and I were dating we made a deal that if we were going to live in little Agua Dulce, we had to travel as much as we could possibly fit in our busy schedule; and we are beyond grateful that together we’ve been able to visit 12 different states other than Texas and six foreign countries. And finally after living here for four years, I can honestly say that I love coming back to our peaceful home in the middle of nowhere; because even after all my travels, Texas is our favorite place to come home to. Texas IS Home.

You think that by 30 you will have learned the lessons from all of your “mistakes” or have healed from all your past wounds; and, I’m 30 (ish) and still learning new lessons as well as still healing from past hurts. You will come across similar situations that you hadn't quite fully overcome in your younger years, and it will trigger dormant feelings that you thought no longer existed within you. The point is to practice self-awareness and keep yourself in check.

Regardless, it's about being appreciative of all the learning and healing we’ve experienced thus far. Getting older means being even more selective about everything in general; but it's awesome knowing that we go through a continuous metamorphosis and shed off old misconceptions and naive mindsets while at the same time feeling more complete than ever.

Do not be merely surviving and going through the motions of life by relying on adaptive survival/coping mechanisms. Perhaps you didn’t partake in enough self-discovery or risk-taking in your twenties? Well, it's never too late to start! Please don't just point out the flaws in everyone else without focusing on your own. It can also be because denial and ignorance are bliss, since accepting the reality will be much too painful, require too much courage and/ or work. Life is an ongoing journey of growth though; we must continue to keep learning, improving and growing. We will continue to bump into new situations and encounter contrast because it is needed in order for us to shoot new rockets of desire and expand wonderfully. Trust the Process. 

I’m far from my years of medicating hurts or disappointments; less band-aiding and more digging deep to find the roots which need tending to. I’ve learned that no matter what I’ve been through, I’m glad that at least the harm was self-inflicted and I didn’t hurt others. I know we are all self-righteous, but God knows my heart and therefore my cup runneth over endlessly. I love how sincere and honest I am especially because it’s my favorite thing to see in others. I have been in many situations that have “tested” me and I have proudly and courageously stayed true to myself. Life feels extra sweet when you haven’t compromised your integrity in order to obtain something you desire.

At this point in my life, I have experienced a wide array of hardships and failures as well as successes and accomplishments. And I’m at a point in my life... where I’ve partied plenty to the point where I don’t need it anymore because I've upgraded my priorities; where I think about my health much more so that I have a better chance of living longer; where I can honestly say I don’t need to hear an “I’m sorry” in order to forgive (forgetting is the issue); where I’ve learned to accept and even point out my own faults; where I’ve become more tolerant with others and truly put an effort in seeing their positive aspects; where compassion & understanding are KEY but also keeping our distance from toxic people who are intrinsically unhappy and malicious beings; where I've learned to modify my habits which have improved my overall health; where I’ve come full circle with my renewed faith in God; where mainly and most importantly, I feel empowered knowing that I have the capacity to change whatever no longer serves me in order to continue expanding and becoming that woman I envisioned myself growing into... it was gonna happen at some point! We can only get better and better! I not only want this for myself, but also so that my future babies have a healthy mother who has a better chance of living longer for them, who is devoted to them, who is happy, who loves herself, who is kind, who is honest, who is faithful, who is fun, who takes them traveling and who is a disciplined role model that leads by example. 

I’m beginning to get the hang of "adulting". Even though life is not a competition, we all get sucked into this rat race of wanting more than we need in order to compete and be "better" than others; instead MOTIVATE, INSPIRE & UPLIFT each other! Tune into your own rhythm because everyone has their own beat. Enjoy the unique dance your life choreographs just for you. We all have an expiration date, so smile at the fact that since you know you’re going to die you’re going to make it your dominant intent to fill your life with beautiful memories of smiling, loving, laughing, doing good, being grateful and doing what makes you happy! 

En este 2 noviembre del 2016...

Unos versos para mi Daddy-O...

La historia de mi Papino merece muchos aplausos,

Y no sólo por la de Acá Entre Nos,

O la de Estos Celos que cantaba con muy buena voz.

Él era tan ingenio y perspicaz,

Que para cualquier problema él siempre fue extremadamente capaz.

Hasta se robó a mi madre cuando tenía 15 añitos,

¡Tan loquitos!

Prácticamente se terminaron de criar,

Pues todavía les faltaba mucho por madurar.

Ay qué mi Papinino,

Tenía tantos apodos como Papá, Papirrín, Chief, Domy, mi Precioso y hasta mi Mendiguino.

Se ganó el amor y cariño de toda su manada,

Y eso fue antes de que nos llegara con conchas y empanadas.

Siempre estaba trabajando como negrito

Para que su familia anduviera como los blanquitos.

Y aunque ya nos dejó físicamente,

Todavía convivimos en mis sueños esporádicamente.

Entiendo que estamos de pasada en este mundo,

Pero este vacío siempre se sentirá tan profundo.

Así que mejor vamos a reunirnos en su lugar,

Y escuchar las canciones que siempre le gustaba cantar.

Escucharemos la de Hermoso Cariño,

Y las mejores del Divo,

Recordando todo lo maravilloso y feliz que nos hizo.

A Cheater's Sorrow

Every time I hear someone say that all men are the same, I cringe! I cannot bash men because I have four brothers and each one of them is amazing. Also, education and open-mindedness does not allow for me to generalize in such a way. Men will be as amazing as one visualizes them to be and vice versa. 

Of course men complain about women as well and that's because no one is exempt from encountering bitter or heartbreaking experiences. Bottom line, we attract whatever we give out. We must be able to offer what we ourselves ask for. We attract our reflection for the most part and some other times people are just jerks. There's always a silver lining in every encounter we have with contrast though, because it allows for us to feel more, want more and expand deliciously.

In retrospect, whenever we were farthest away from alignment and our own desires, it was when we made the worst decisions and attracted what we least wanted.

It's safe to say that one of the things we have the least tolerance for is the lack of honesty in a relationship. When a friend talks about their cheating and lying ex-boyfriend (or ex-girlfriend) it makes our blood boil and it’ll make everyone an empath even if just for that brief moment. 

Why is it so difficult for some people to be honest and upfront? For some it comes so easy and natural, for others not so much. I feel as if writing about this topic has been way past due because it’s something I hear a lot about and therefore I wanted to put my two cents (2¢) in by shining a bit of light on this.

First of all, we can sense almost immediately when someone is being shady and we feel offended by it because it's disrespectful. It's like they're insulting our intelligence by feeding us a ton of bull. The being lied to and cheated on is trifling in varying degrees of intensity depending on our life experience with it.

There are so many reasons why people decide to use deceit instead of honesty and quite frankly, it's for the most part due to unresolved issues. They're going about life with an empty oxygen tank and an unstable foundation. Instead of taking it personally and being offended by it, feel compassion because it's for the most part an underdeveloped personality trait or the lack of virtue; because honestly, honesty is a very attractive and precious virtue.

As we evolve and continue to become more emotionally intelligent, we shouldn't let this bring us down because we should know by now that it is always about them and never about you. I repeat, anything done against you is NEVER about YOU, it's about THEM.

In order to be more accepting, it helps to look at the big picture, so let's break down the reasons why people lie or cheat:

1) They don't have the courage or integrity to confront and resolve the situation, so they rather cheat or do things behind the shade. 

2) They aren't happy with their current life experience so they rather embellish it or downright lie.

3) They are far from where they want to be so they are acting out of desperation and frustration.

"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else." -George Bernard Shaw

Isn’t that sad? We tend to feel bad for the one who got lied to, but in reality something more viciously hurtful is happening within the deceitful. They aren’t happy with themselves or with their life. Because, why would a genuinely happy person lie if they're loving life and spreading goodness? Only someone who isn’t happy with some aspect of their life would feel the need to lie. They are sorrowful souls in distress because they suffer the liar’s punishment. Doesn’t it make more sense to accept them and wish them well? 

“The red flag to be really precise is… lying. If someone lies, then they’re fundamentally not interested in being genuine or truthful or being present. They’re fundamentally more interested in being right. (There is perhaps a special level of lying within an intimate relationship—not a white lie, but a habit of lying to one you're closest to.) That leads to the green flag, the ultimate green flag is... someone in the relationship has to be the first one to give an inch; if they are willing to have a sense of humor and flexibility like that saying that bamboo is so strong because it is willing to bend.” -Waylon Lewis, Elephant Journal

Accept them but then move on because you’re not a vibrational match to their dissonance. Align to your own desires, attract your match, be flexible with each other and indulge in each other’s depth and substance that each of your divine selves has the potential of radiating.

Regardless, the contrast is what provides us with the most delicious expansion. So what if you've been cheated on, it only led to liberation and the shooting of more rockets of desires. Love & Live On! ♥

28 and Single

Maturing delightfully like a delicious fine wine is a special treat in the unfolding for most women. 

When you’ve spent most of your 20s living daringly, spontaneously and wholeheartedly, you’re going to enter that big THREE-OH (30) feeling like you’ve blossomed and advanced to a whole other level. Mark Ms. Carrie Bradshaw’s words that, “Your 20s are to make mistakes, your 30s are to learn the lessons and your 40s are to pay for the drinks.”

Of course there is always an exception to the rule, but wreaking havoc in your 20s that makes for great stories is SO worth it when you have the luxury to do so because you still aren't one-hundred percent independent.

We may think that we've gotten to where we’re at because of our own successes, and yes our accomplishments have helped us get where we’re at, but the majority of our life we have depended on some kind of help and support growing up and it isn't until perhaps our mid-20s when we become more on our own.

Live it up, lighten up and seize each day because at the end it’s not so much about your chronological age that will determine how much fun you’re allowed to have. You are allowed to have as much fun and happiness that you allow yourself to have. It’s never too early or too late.

BUT, getting older definitely does mean becoming more aware of what you want because you've had a lifetime of contrast that made you expand and propel towards what you really want.  It's awesome knowing that we go through a continuous metamorphosis and we shed off old misconceptions and naive mindsets while at the same time feeling more complete than ever.  

And this is exactly why I'm so grateful that at 28 I'm still not married and don’t have kids because I’m very free-spirited, adventurous, daring and being only responsible for myself means that I can be selfish and completely free to make my personal development my main focus. I want to be in alignment with myself so much that whilst I reign in my region of bliss I’ll be rendezvousing with like-minded people where we’ll be thrivin’ and flowin’ and only good things can come of this, no doubt. I’ll be more aligned to what I want because I’ll be what I want in someone else.

I've also learned that when you’re feeling good and content with life, you’ll be more at ease and you’ll instinctively be picky.  You’ll be picky about your thoughts because you’re going to choose the best feeling thoughts now and you’re going to be picky about everything in general and go ahead and be picky!  You should be able to place an order to your liking (literally and figuratively) and then wait for it to arrive. You’ll come across other offers that may oblige you to sacrifice, but  don’t conform and just keep having fun on the way without losing the certainty that what you ideally and exactly want exists and is on its way to you because life only gets better and better. ♥

Relationship IQ: TBD

It’s perplexing how reading a great deal of advice on relationships doesn’t actually help you obtain the relationship you want. These books are usually so enthusiastic about how you can get the relationship you want if you read carefully and follow their simple steps; but the only things I’ve had are the complete opposites which are short-lived flings. It can be frustrating as to why this seems almost impossible to achieve not just for me, but for many of my fellow people.  

So if I read about relationships so much and enjoy giving advice on them, why is it that I can’t apply my “expertise” on my romantic life?  

I think like literature, different interpretations can be inferred but impossible to imbibe or get one certain answer. Why can’t relationships be like math where you are able to get one answer when you add, subtract, multiply or divide correctly?  

I’m beginning to question the legitimacy of these books. But for the sake of shining light on this contentious topic, let’s dig in to see if we can possibly get a new understanding by doing a little more probing.

I’ve come up with several reasons as to why relationships can go sour.

First we’d have to start where it all began and that is our first breakup. For most this usually occurred in high school or with our high school sweetie. Whatever the reason was for the breakup it’s going to be most likely being due to a lack of experience. You really didn’t know what to expect, how to act, how to react and how much you can or should’ve tolerated.  Some may think that after that first hard breakup you will be scarred forever and will never believe in love again. Please, breathe and get it together!

Put a bandage over those hurts and become more emotionally intelligent.

I genuinely believe that everyone should have that one heartbreak from which to learn and grow from. Some end up staying with the same partner forever, but I think that is something that will rarely prove prosperous.  I think that when you try to have a serious relationship before your mid 20s, it will only bring more confusion and problems because you are still evolving drastically. What you loved when you were 15, 20 and/or 25 is going to all be skewed depending on your experiences. You’re still trying to fit into the professional world, adapting to new environments and trying to become financially stable. Along with all this, you are still very intrigued with the idea of “the grass may be greener on the other side.” Don’t feel guilty about this, you’re still figuring yourself out and you’re not sure what you really want and expect in a relationship. Giving love a try is completely okay even in the midst of all this change, but learning our lesson from the failed ones and raising the bar higher from where our innocence and lack of experience had set it at, is a must.

There are also some who are seeking instant gratification more so than a prolonged commitment. Where it can get frustrating is when you can't distinguish from genuinely being interested in this new person or if you're mainly seeking for your at-the-moment need to be fulfilled. 

Are you having a tedious dry period of no sex and you feel all of a sudden ready for a relationship? Or maybe work or school has you way too stressed out that you need that comfort loving just like you need comfort food on an upsetting situation? Did you just breakup and already feel like you’re falling in love again?

This has happened to all of us and you will never be the first or the last person this happens to. We all have biological needs but before you embark on a determined hunt for getting them fulfilled, question yourself if you just want that booty or are you really wanting a potential partner to fulfill that for you.  Secondly, when you have so much stress in your life everything seems a bit hazy so just remember that you should have your stress levels at a manageable level in order to make a more reasonable decision on matters of the heart. Lastly, after a breakup we begin to reconstruct our life without them so a longing to find someone to fill that gap in our life will arise.  I do think that finding a rebound can help ease the pain, but you need to ask yourself if it’s just a rebound or if this person is actually giving you what you really wanted and what the other person failed to give.

I strongly believe that it is a matter of achieving a healthy level of emotional intelligence and self-fulfillment. If you’re in control of your emotions, are able to love yourself and are also able to make yourself happy, then you will attract your reflection. Sounds easy, right? Let’s just leave our relationship IQ on TBD to allow this to marinate well in our mind.  It’s a fun topic nonetheless, so don’t get overly concerned about it and enjoy giving it a try. You never know what your openness to this will fetch your way.  

Amor a kilómetros

Las relaciones que consisten de un distanciamiento geográfico automáticamente se les fichan como algo de poca esperanza o algo que viene con fecha de caducidad. Como la quieran ver al ser humano por ley tenemos fecha de caducidad, entonces ¿por qué le es difícil a cantidades tener fe a las relaciones de larga distancia? ¿Será cierto que amor de lejos es de pen…sarse? O igual, “amor de lejos, amor de cuatro,” pero así como hay mil desgraciados lejos hay mil cercas, así que, es de ignorantes generalizar o catalogar que de lejos es una segura desilusión.

Tener una relación que está distanciada geográficamente es absurdo creer que sea razón suficiente para descartarla, pues existen algunas parejas que viven cerca que tienen un distanciamiento mucho más profundo, por ejemplo emocional o intelectual. Puede ser que exista una buenísima conexión y que por causas mayores la distancia se presenta como un obstáculo. En la vida se presentan obstáculos, entonces ¿Al enfrentarnos con obstáculos es mejor tirar la toalla? ¡Por supuesto que no!

No se niega, en una relación de lejos siempre tendrá la distancia como un factor. E igual manera, se entiende que al no tener a tu pareja cerca muchos elementos fundamentales no se satisfacen y empieza una malnutrición relacional. Al suceder eso, como cualquier relación, es importante recapacitar y si quieres seguir con la relación, pues ¡A ponerle manita de gato! Ponle manos a la obra y dale mantenimiento a la chispa para poder volver a encender esa enloquecedora llama del amor y la pasión. Tips para relaciones de larga distancia: mantener la comunicación de todas formas como textear, teléfono, y vía Internet; planear un online date; hacer viajecitos para verse; mandar paquetitos por correo; etc.
Ya llegara el tiempo cuando la distancia deje de ser un obstáculo por que claro, aunque tiene la misma oportunidad de funcionar, es obvio de que si no superan el obstáculo que es la distancia entonces se convierte en una relación conformista por falta de creatividad y convicción. Para una relación plena y saludable le es esencial tener elementos físicamente manifestados como la compañía, el afecto, el cariño, y obvio, el sexo.

Pero eso de decir “mejor encuéntrate a alguien cerca” es como decir que te encuentres a alguien que llene tu necesidad. Si estás con alguien por necesidad, entonces no importa que si de lejos o cerca porque has entrado a una relación con un tanque de oxigeno vació. Estas necesitada(o) de que alguien, y no importa que cabron(a) sea, llene el hueco para que seas menos incompleta. Uno debería de sentirse completo consigo mismo. Tú has elegido a tu pareja por que te gusta como es y por que te gusta como te sientes con el (ella).

Y es por eso que una súper ventaja de un amor de lejos es que la pareja aprende a estar sola. Al saber estar sola las personas individualmente son más fuertes y capaces de involucrarse con alguien por deseo y no por necesidad.

Al forzosamente tener su espacio puede crear una fortaleza como pareja. El tener ese espacio permite que tengan la libertad de ser y hacer. Por lo general, al empezar una relación uno siente el gran deseo de querer siempre estar juntos que puede crear una co-dependencia. Es enfermizo hacer todo junto por que todos tenemos nuestra propia individualidad que es importante hacer por uno mismo para estar satisfechos personalmente.

Aparte, el amor de lejos es rico en el sentido de que cuando se ven se ven con tantas ganas que hasta parece siempre mantenerse en el etapa del enamoramiento.

¿Pero que es lo que hace una relación triunfar? La ausente autora Emma Godoy nos trató de explicar con esto:

El amor solo se da en hombres y mujeres mentalmente maduros. Es un temple de ánimo que requiere una personalidad muy sólida, muy conciente, muy responsable. Así que ni aun muchas personas mayores suelen experimentarlo, pues no basta tener edad cronológica suficiente, hay que tener edad mental completa. No te fíes por lo tanto de un sentimiento que parece amor, pero que tan solo es su caricatura, y que se te marchitara en cualquier día de estos. En la adolescencia todos hemos creído estar enamorados, pero han sido solo espejismos. Para aprender a amar es necesario que aprendas a hacerlo tu mismo, en tu interior, en tus pensamientos... No frustres tu anhelo de amor con amoríos. Nada es tan enemigo del amor como los "amores". El corazón se malgasta, se desperdicia, se pudre. No eches a perder tu corazón si es que quieres llegar a ser feliz algún día por amor. Hazlo madurar en tu interior, esperando solo a una persona. Reflexiona, se responsable, razona y siente; siente la verdadera esencia de lo que es, para que mañana sea y puedas vivir el significado de ese sentimiento maravilloso.

Al final, lo que importa en cima de todo es que haya atracción, madurez y estabilidad. Todos anhelan un amor distinto y si su amor a kilómetros es de lo más delicioso, pues continúen disfrutándolo. Puede que sea lo que siempre habías anhelado tener. Y si no, pues ÁNIMO, que todavía te falta por conocer y disfrutar de diferente manera. Y recordemos esto: "contigo estoy bien y sin ti, también. "

Clavo a clavito

En retrospección al tema de tener que cerrar ese libro que solamente nos produce inconformidad es manteniendo el equilibro emocional y recordando decir “clavo a clavito.” Pues como va el dicho, un clavo saca otro clavo y en muchas ocasiones es lo que muchos buscamos para sentir que aún somos deseados. Es como si nuestra ex-pareja nos había enterrado el clavo del enamoramiento y al irse solamente queda un clavo oxidado que empieza a producir esa indeseable, amargosa sensación…la depresión. Y claro, acompañado con la melancolía y la soledad.


El rompimiento de una relación como muchos han pasado, es un acto que se siente realmente como el peor dolor. Que interesante que este acto es un dolor emocional, no un dolor “verdadero” o físico, y puede causar tanto sufrimiento.

Y aunque se sienta que no encontraras a alguien que te vuelva amar, ¡joder!, que tonterías y lo sabes. Hay miles de personas con quien podrás volver a tener esa misma conexión pero mucho mejor siendo de que ahora podrás empezar fresco y sin resentimientos.

Eso si, para poder sobrepasar un rompimiento saludablemente, hay varios procedimientos para lograrlo.

Punto número uno, ¡de lo que te liberaste! El hecho de haber terminado la relación significa que hay progresión en sus vidas. No importa la razón por cual se terminó, la cosa es que se han dado cuenta que realmente no estaba funcionando lo que al principio parecía satisfacerles.

Punto número dos, acepta lo que ha sucedido como el efecto de la causa. Toma responsabilidad. Muchas veces lo que sucede es de que tomamos el papel de victima y queremos culpar a nuestra ex-pareja de todo. Pero si la relación consiste de los dos entonces los dos son igual de responsables de lo que sucedió dentro de ella. Tomando responsabilidad es esencial para que progreses como pareja.

Y si te has dado cuenta que el susodicho solamente hecho demasiado rollo que al final resulta que te habías enamorado solamente de sus mentiras, entonces, nuevamente… ¡de lo que te liberaste!

Darle cavidad a alguien o algo que no merece ni atención solamente introducirá negatividad y drama innecesaria en nuestras vidas. Que se vayan al demonio porque desde el momento que decidimos que no formaran parte de nuestras vidas fue cuando iban a dejar de tener importancia.

A veces sentimos que ya hemos superado algo pero cuando se menciona nuestro "olvidado" pasado, aún sentimos ese dolorcito en el corazón como si se tratara de algo del día de ayer. Esto es una señal de que todavía nos falta por superar una vieja herida que por orgullo y dignidad derrotamos gotas de esfuerzo para que nuestros ojos se mantuvieran secos. No dejemos que el orgullo nos impida nuestro bienestar.

Exprésense, compartan y sanen. La vida es ahorita y pa’ gozarla.

Y si se te apetece el nuevo galán o dama que se te presenta días después del rompimiento, recuerda que puede ser un espejismo inconsciente que se produce como el antídoto natural para curar la soledad y melancolía.

Pero igual si sientes que eso te ayuda en superarte, pues adelante. Solamente no te ciegues y sigas dando vueltas en el ciclo vicioso de las malas relaciones. Nunca sabes, puede ser que el siguiente clavito le de en el mero clavo. Que empiece el coqueteo y recuerda: Clavo a clavito.

Manteniendo la chispa

La degeneración de una relación parece casi un fenómeno. Es sorprendente como los cariñitos se degeneran de: Princesita, mi amor, cuchi-- ¡Te amo bebé!, a: Gordo, flaca, José Antonio -- ¿Qué te pasa eh?, o bien, se hablan con palabrotas.

Al principio de una relación todo parece un cuento de Adas, pero en cuanto pasa el tiempo se empieza a perder el encanto y el polvito mágico comienza a terminarse y perder el efecto que tenía, y no precisamente porque no exista amor, sino porque las personas somos comodinas; una vez que tenemos lo que queremos, ya no vemos el por qué seguir procurándolo, pero tache!! si queremos ser felices hay que mantener la relación y esa chispa que te hace sentir diferente.

Es como si en un libro de colorear hay una imagen representativa ilustrada que representa la relación que se pinta de colores o de modo muy al gusto de la pareja. Pero, por alguna razón se empiezan a llenar los huecos de la imagen del mismo tono o manera que se convierte en una rutina muy aburrida y que opaca la página. En estos momentos urge implementar creatividad y el uso de otros colores para darle vida a la página o relación.

La verdad que el mantenimiento de una relación no es tan complicado como parece.

Primero, es importante que haya una comunicación tan clara como para estar de acuerdo que los dos han descuidado de la relación y que si aún es lo que los dos verdaderamente quieren entonces ¡a trabajar!

Ahora lo que sigue es hablarse con la neta. Se sentirá como un panel de discusión pero háganse preguntas que produzcan un entendimiento sobre lo que les gustaba, les dejó de gustar y lo que ahora les gusta. Por ejemplo: ¿Qué es lo que nos enamoró? ¿Qué es lo que siempre me encantaba? ¿Qué es lo que ahora me choca?

Después de responder sinceramente a series de preguntas y poder establecer en buenas charlas que probablemente estaban casi en extinción, podrán empezar a rectificar. En algunas ocasiones puede ser que la persona requiera de elementos muy diferentes a los que requería al empezar de la relación. Se puede sentir como si nunca en realidad habían amado a su pareja o como si su pareja nunca los hubiese amado, pero no es así. Lo que sucede es que como humanos cambiamos y evolucionamos. Lo que anhelábamos hace dos, tres o cincos años ya no es lo que ahora anhelamos. Esto es algo difícil de digerir pero no se puede hacer más que aceptar la realidad y seguir adelante sin estar estancados en una relación que ha dejado de producir esa energía encantadora.

Pero cada relación es tan diferente como lo es la personalidad de cada uno de los billones de personas que habitan este mundo, entonces ¿Qué más se puede hacer?Si la relación realmente es lo que los dos anhelan pero solamente buscan una manera para solucionar lo que están pasando que es como tipo recesión económica, entonces… alégrense porque hay mil cosas que se pueden hacer.
El cambio como sabemos es algo rico y emprendedor. Aunque muchos lo temen es importante para el crecimiento personal y relacional. Entonces, lo que se puede hacer para seguir manteniendo la chispa es hacer detallitos que se suelen hacer en ocasiones especiales.

Gozan y celebren de su relación como si siempre fuera un cumpleaños o aniversario todos los días. ¿Pues, su pareja es la persona super más especial para ustedes, no? Entonces dedica tiempo en ella (él) y sorpréndela(lo) con algo bonito. Una nota de amor entre sus cosas del trabajo para que cuando llegue a trabajar lo encuentre; desayuno en la cama; un viaje sorpresa al lugar en donde siempre han querido ir; reservaciones para una cita super romántica; intercambio de mensajitos amorosos o candentes durante el día; o el simple hecho de decirle con todo tu corazón lo tanto que significa para ti acompañado con un beso enorme y abrazo de oso puede volver a producir esas maripositas tan ricas que se sentían como en el principio.

Igual también a la relación le hace falta más atención en el departamento de sexo e intimidad. Lee un libro o revista con la que puedas aprender diferentes maneras para sorprender a tu pareja en la cama; compra lencería sexy o coquetona; den luz a una fantasía que siempre han deseado; o encuentren diferentes lugares para prenderse como dos amantes apasionados.

El chiste es agregarle el condimento que se había terminado o el que siempre se les antojaba tener en su cóctel.

Si ya no es posible que haya solución porque la relación ya está muy degenerada, es mejor terminar que continuar con algo que ya está muy deteriorado y que solo les va a hacer daño; siempre es bueno aceptar cuando algo no funciona y abrirse a nuevas oportunidades.

Bueno, en sí, el amor parece un acto inexplicable y difícil de describir. Tantas definiciones del amor y a la misma vez insuficientes. Si te encuentras en una relación que nomás no te llena al cien, pues hay que verla como un aprendizaje y no como la obra de arte. Pero si ya tienes a tu obra de arte, pues dale todo el mantenimiento posible para que la vivacidad de sus colores se prolonguen.

Versión publicada: http://www.gohispano.com/austin/amor/3709-manteniendo-la-chispa.html

Día de Acción de dar Cariño

Que al cine, que una cenita romántica, unos chocolates en forma de corazón, un osito de peluche y sin duda la docena de flores... El Día de San Valentín es realmente un día muy cariñoso y en todos los sentidos de la palabra. Es un día que hace que las tiendas se llenen de corazones y se disfracen de color rojo. Es el día dedicado para demostrar y recordar a los seres queridos que hay un gran cariño de por medio.

El Día de San Valentín ha adquirido diversas connotaciones durante el tiempo. Entre los países Latinoamericanos se conoce también por el Día de los Enamorados, el Día del Amor y la Amistad, el Día del Cariño y en China…pues en chino, y esta a la chinita para entenderle, pero en fin todos tienen el mismo propósito y es hacer algo tierno o romanticón.

En este día de cariñitos se vale de todo. Se regala lo que uno sienta y pueda, pero hay elementos fundamentales para que tu pareja tenga un día inolvidable. Primero que nada, es de suma importancia aprender los gustos de tu pareja.

¿Qué es lo que hace a tu pareja sentir maripositas? Es muy probable que tu pareja no espere lo más grande o más caro pero sí ese detallito que por más pequeño que sea para él (ella) va a ser enorme y con un significado como ninguno, con que venga desde lo más profundo del corazón, basta.
Regalos innovadores y significativos, por ejemplo: Una carta llenita de amor que describa con lujo de detalle todo lo que amas de tu pareja; cupones de amor que tengan el valor de besos, abrazos, cocinarle su comida favorita, ser esclavo de amor por un día, etc.; hacerle un CD con las canciones que se han dedicado durante su relación; o simplemente siéntate y deja fluir ideas de lo que puedes hacerle a esta persona que te hace tan feliz. Usualmente algo se te ocurrirá, el chiste es dedicar tiempo a pensar en él o ella, ser creativo, y hacerle pasar un momento que nunca olvide. Muchas veces las acciones dicen más que las palabras.

El amor no es solo un sentimiento, es una acción…entonces ve, actúa y hazla (lo) sentir.

¿Y que tal para aquellos que no tienen pareja?

¡Ya no se la pasen de envidiosos y odiando toda la parafernalia del 14 de febrero! Que no falta la persona que dice, “Estoy harta del mentado Día de San Valentín llenando las tiendas de cursilerías!” Obvio que esta declaración suele ser producto de un corazón partido, pero ¡ánimo! Este día no es solamente para los enamorados, tomen nota que es el día de acción de dar cariño, y son precisamente esas personas a quienes estiman que deberían de preocuparse en mandarles un detallito en vez de andar quejándose.

Junta un grupo de amistades que no tengan pareja y váyanse a disfrutar de su soltería, que se disfruta tanto como el de andar de pareja. ¿Apoco no sé acuerdan lo rico que se sentía dar y recibir tarjetitas de San Valentín cuando eran pequeños? Compren tarjetitas y regálenle a todos sus seres queridos y verán como llenarán el mundo de amor y alegría.

Satisface tu corazón y recuerda hacerles a los demás lo que a ti te gustaría que te hicieran.

Versión publicada: http://www.gohispano.com/austin/amor/1643-dia-de-san-valentin.html