Thirty (ish)

Looking back at my wild twenties feels almost ancient to me. I have to admit that I was a little worried that I was never going to get tired of all the partying. Who would have thought that I would now be spending almost all of my free time attached to my husband’s hip and drinking once in a blue moon? Laura Luzbeth Coria so devoted to her husband and turning down drinks? Y’all better believe it… I love this guy more than I ever thought possible and drinking is just not as enticing when you’re trying to stay fit. I strongly desire and envision myself being a self-sufficient, devoted mother (just like my Momma) and am grateful that when the time comes to be a mom, I won’t have those “wild 20” cravings because I have truly gotten them out of my system already; thank goodness!

Even though our twenties are so fun and carefree, there is something undeniably and incredibly enjoyable about being in our thirties; well, that's until I got to the total game changers... 35 and 36! My, oh, my, have these been some tumultuous years. Would these years be considered early midlife crisis?  

When I decided to move to a small town to be with my then-boyfriend-now-hubby that was perhaps one of the biggest leaps of faith I had ever taken. We weren't engaged yet and I had never lived with a guy before, mostly because I had avoided serious relationships for about 12 years. Also, what would a small town life be like for someone who has always thrived with that hustle and bustle lifestyle? But of course I was up for the challenge! Although I have always prided myself with my ability to adapt to new environments without completely assimilating and being able to maintain my essence, it has not been as easy as I thought it would be. The complexities of love and relationships alone are a lot of work... and then add work stress, vicarious trauma from counseling students, being away from family & friends, a global pandemic, multiple deaths in the family and then also dealing with heartbreaking infertility (that is a whole other story). It’s been an extremely heavy period in my life, but filled with important life lessons and definitely humbling at the same time. 

 

One thing that hasn't change for me is my love for traveling. I’ve had my fair share of solo travels, but now I LOVE traveling with my husband and cannot wait to take our future babies on adventures (that we pray God blesses us with eventually). Traveling is essential because it broadens your horizons and is genuinely the best education you can get. To me a good life is a life well-traveled. When my husband and I were dating we made a deal that if we were going to live in little Agua Dulce, we had to travel as much as we could possibly fit in our busy schedule; and we are beyond grateful that together we’ve been able to visit 12 different states other than Texas and six foreign countries. And finally after living here for four years, I can honestly say that I love coming back to our peaceful home in the middle of nowhere; because even after all my travels, Texas is our favorite place to come home to. Texas IS Home.

You think that by 30 you will have learned the lessons from all of your “mistakes” or have healed from all your past wounds; and, I’m 30 (ish) and still learning new lessons as well as still healing from past hurts. You will come across similar situations that you hadn't quite fully overcome in your younger years, and it will trigger dormant feelings that you thought no longer existed within you. The point is to practice self-awareness and keep yourself in check.

Regardless, it's about being appreciative of all the learning and healing we’ve experienced thus far. Getting older means being even more selective about everything in general; but it's awesome knowing that we go through a continuous metamorphosis and shed off old misconceptions and naive mindsets while at the same time feeling more complete than ever.

Do not be merely surviving and going through the motions of life by relying on adaptive survival/coping mechanisms. Perhaps you didn’t partake in enough self-discovery or risk-taking in your twenties? Well, it's never too late to start! Please don't just point out the flaws in everyone else without focusing on your own. It can also be because denial and ignorance are bliss, since accepting the reality will be much too painful, require too much courage and/ or work. Life is an ongoing journey of growth though; we must continue to keep learning, improving and growing. We will continue to bump into new situations and encounter contrast because it is needed in order for us to shoot new rockets of desire and expand wonderfully. Trust the Process. 

I’m far from my years of medicating hurts or disappointments; less band-aiding and more digging deep to find the roots which need tending to. I’ve learned that no matter what I’ve been through, I’m glad that at least the harm was self-inflicted and I didn’t hurt others. I know we are all self-righteous, but God knows my heart and therefore my cup runneth over endlessly. I love how sincere and honest I am especially because it’s my favorite thing to see in others. I have been in many situations that have “tested” me and I have proudly and courageously stayed true to myself. Life feels extra sweet when you haven’t compromised your integrity in order to obtain something you desire.

At this point in my life, I have experienced a wide array of hardships and failures as well as successes and accomplishments. And I’m at a point in my life... where I’ve partied plenty to the point where I don’t need it anymore because I've upgraded my priorities; where I think about my health much more so that I have a better chance of living longer; where I can honestly say I don’t need to hear an “I’m sorry” in order to forgive (forgetting is the issue); where I’ve learned to accept and even point out my own faults; where I’ve become more tolerant with others and truly put an effort in seeing their positive aspects; where compassion & understanding are KEY but also keeping our distance from toxic people who are intrinsically unhappy and malicious beings; where I've learned to modify my habits which have improved my overall health; where I’ve come full circle with my renewed faith in God; where mainly and most importantly, I feel empowered knowing that I have the capacity to change whatever no longer serves me in order to continue expanding and becoming that woman I envisioned myself growing into... it was gonna happen at some point! We can only get better and better! I not only want this for myself, but also so that my future babies have a healthy mother who has a better chance of living longer for them, who is devoted to them, who is happy, who loves herself, who is kind, who is honest, who is faithful, who is fun, who takes them traveling and who is a disciplined role model that leads by example. 

I’m beginning to get the hang of "adulting". Even though life is not a competition, we all get sucked into this rat race of wanting more than we need in order to compete and be "better" than others; instead MOTIVATE, INSPIRE & UPLIFT each other! Tune into your own rhythm because everyone has their own beat. Enjoy the unique dance your life choreographs just for you. We all have an expiration date, so smile at the fact that since you know you’re going to die you’re going to make it your dominant intent to fill your life with beautiful memories of smiling, loving, laughing, doing good, being grateful and doing what makes you happy!