Because Motherhood

Writing this because motherhood is...

Going to numerous checkups throughout your pregnancy with eagerness and a little bit of nerves because after having miscarriages, you can't wait to hear that heartbeat confirming your baby is alive and doing well!

Getting a spinal tap inserted by a doctor who was struggling to "find the sweet spot" because my spine seemed "crooked." Yikes, that was scary stuff.

Adapting to having your little human feeding off your boobs because you produce milk now. (Like what?) It is crazy amazing. 

Applying balm on your sore and cracked nipples the first weeks because ouchie.

Running on little to no sleep because you want to make sure baby is breathing, well-fed and feeling loved. Sleep feels overrated.

Using the OG NoseFrida to suck out boogers because your newborn baby needs his little nose cleared. Never had I ever. 

Changing an insane amount of diapers every single day because baby doo doo doo doo doo doo.

Appreciating your mom staying at your house to help out, eventhough she raised a very self-sufficient woman, because c-section recovery and being a first-time mother is ROUGH; and then realizing that eventhough you'd want her to stay longer, you tell her that the first five weeks was plenty because you're considerate and know that you need to learn to do things on your own. I had to be strong and keep it real.

Moving around like a turtle the first months because that c-section recovery is no effing joke.

Cleaning your newborn's circumcision bloody wound for several days because they cut off a pedacito de carne from your pedacito de carne. 

Wiping vomits off your clothes, arms, hair, etc for what seems never-ending.

Learning to use your sloppy left hand to eat your cold meals because baby is feeding on your right boob. 

Showering as quickly as possible (no more long, relaxing showers) while making quick trips to check on baby because your momma instincts are on high alert 24/7 since day one.

Upgrading your under eye concealer because you didn't know that there was a whole other level of dark circles. 

Praying every single day for your little family because you feel responsible for their spiritual protection and guidance. 

Feeling immense, incomparable gratitude every morning when you look at your little miracle breathing calmly because God has blessed you with your ultimate heart's desire. 

Doing whatever is needed and whatever it takes for your baby because he is the most precious blessing from God. 

Loving unconditionally because THIS is agape love. 

Hoping you are doing absolutely everything you can and need to raise a beautiful soul who is wise, kind and honest... because this is the most important job you have EVER had!

Whataburger Parking Lot

As I was paying at the drive-thru, my baby started to cry in the back. I had initially planned to eat at the Hobby Lobby parking lot to contemplate some unnecessary shopping before going over to Walmart for some necessary shopping; but, he rarely cries in the car seat, so I decided to immediately park and have my extra late lunch in the back seat with him.

I unbuckled my little man, sat him next to me and his cries instantly turned into smiles. I scarfed down my meal so that I could play with him... and I SOAKED IT ALL IN!

I looked up and said," Thank you, Lord for THIS moment." For these are the little moments we will forever cherish. Those that open up a plethora of emotions and connections of what was and what is. I was filled with immense gratitude for being alive and able to enjoy my son.

It also reminded me of other times I've been at a Whataburger parking lot. When I was sobering up after a night out with friends or taking a quick nap in my car (to sober up also) before I drove down to the Valley from Austin. Things have DEFINITELY changed!

This made me feel incredibly content about how my life has unfolded. Some may scoff that I'm an "old" mom, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I am a mature mom who does not long to party like a rockstar anymore; been there and DONE with that!

I am going 110% hard in my mom era, like there is no tomorrow!

This brings me to a Bluey meme which was what inspired me to write about this... "Can we normalize NOT wanting a break from our child(ren)? I always feel pressured to take a break from my kid(s), but I don't want one. And when I do get one, I just think about getting back to them the entire time. Being a mom can be stressful and overwhelming, but it's all I've ever wanted and I want to be with my kids all the time. That's not a bad thing."

Felt this, except I'm not one to feel pressured. I'm only six-ish months in, but I don't want a break (yet)... he's MY responsibility, MY answered prayer, MY priority, MY Amorcito pedacito de carne!

I chose to hit pause on my professional life to be fully present in his life. The first years of development are crucial... and time is of the essence, y'all! 🍔🍟🤱🏻🩵🦁 #MadeInManhattan #LosBoninos2025 #Mark10v27 #Psalms37 #GratitudeOverload #Romans831

Made in Manhattan

Our four-year fertility journey of trying to conceive (TTC) includes: about 1000 injections 💉, numerous doctor visits and lab work in multiple cities, two unsuccessful inseminations (IUIs), two heartbreaking miscarriages in August 2022 👼🏻 & March 2023 👼🏻, getting our hopes up every single month for about 39 months only to repeat with hopeful tears: "Maybe next month" 🙏🏼🥲... and then came May 2023, when we decided to give IVF a try!

How could we lose hope when this is the deepest, most driven desire we've cultivated and journeyed together? It has only drawn us closer and made our love, admiration, and appreciation stronger! 💪🏼💖 I also have a newfound respect and admiration for women who have gone through IVF, because it is QUITE the freakin' journey mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. 

And amidst one of the most arduous journeys, we remained full of Faith, Hope, and Gratitude... but it was still not the right time. A failed IVF in June 2023 was perhaps one of the most difficult things to endure because we put so much effort and hope into it. 😞 

After genetic testing and speaking to a geneticist, it seemed that IVF was going to be our best option; but we needed a break, and so we planned for a second round of IVF until January 2024. 

We decided that for the second half of 2023 we were going to travel as much as we possibly could, I would begin running and taking graduate classes again. Fast forward to December 2023... and we visited so many amazing places, I earned two As on my grad classes, and I ran (and won 🥇🥈🥉) a lot! 

They always say that when you're least expecting or out on vacation relaxed, is when it happens. The thing is, we knew that that didn't necessarily apply to us, because our journey is a unique, complex one. So, I hadn't been checking my fertile window nor had I been doing all our baby-making rituals.

But boy, did God have a big surprise for us because... WE'RE HAVING A BABY, Y'ALL! 🤰🏻👶🏻💕🎉

It was during our Thanksgiving trip to NYC when our long-awaited miracle happened. 🌟  New York City has always been a special place for us... from getting proposed at the Rockefeller in front of my family, to enjoying all the gems the "City that Never Sleeps" offers, and to now being the place where our little miracle baby was conceived. 

Our little one was Made in Manhattan! 🗽 

As I mentioned previously, we were not even trying to conceive because a natural pregnancy for us could potentially lead to another miscarriage. Heck, two weeks after our NYC trip I even ran the Reindeer 5K Run and I thought it was pretty strange that I threw up after the race. It's only 3 miles?! I started to notice little things here and there that gave me the feeling that I might be pregnant... but I waited until December 11th, 2023 to rush home to take a pregnancy test with my Hubby. We first used a generic test that showed a faint (+) line and then we used a Clear Blue digital test and... Pregnant! 

Something that seemed so far away for us is finally here! For our tenacity & perseverance has proven fruitful and we have been BLESSED with the miracle of conception. Hubby and I are on cloud nine! For we have prayed so very much and done everything possible for this! 

Little one, you are SO DESIRED and LOVED beyond measure! 🥰

We can say it was due to all our efforts along with innumerable factors that propelled us to an amazing new peak in our life and marriage... yet ALL that and STILL, it's ultimately God's timing, which is always perfectly on time! I would not want it any other way. We knew the importance of waiting to have a family until we had a stronger foundation, and God knew when it would be even more OPTIMAL for us. 

This journey has only strengthened our marriage, our patience, and our faith. We are beyond GRATEFUL, HUMBLED and APPRECIATIVE with firstly God and secondly with all those who kept us in their prayers and kept sending us the best vibes. We definitely feel the love! 🙏🏼🥰

¡Muchísimas gracias a todos! Thank you all so very much & we humbly ask for continued prayers and good vibes for a healthy pregnancy! We cannot wait for that magnificent day when we get to hold our precious little miracle baby in our arms! 🤰🏻👶🏻💕🤱🏻👨🏻‍🍼 #LosBoninos2024

For Plucks Sake

Ever since the scene between Ironman and Star-Lord in Marvel's Infinity War, the word plucky has stuck with me. To be plucky is to be brave, feisty, spunky and show determined courage amidst difficult times. How could I not be attracted to such a fun yet powerful word? I have always been intrigued by those people who display great valor and resiliency. Those who have experienced tremendous hardships and loss, but who have not allowed that to turn them cold; instead, they fan the flames that consume them until they're entirely engulfed, and from their ashes be reborn just like the mythical phoenix. 

Life has several inevitabilities and one of them is that no one is exempt from experiencing hardships. Not one soul goes through this life unscathed. We will all come face-to-face with something that shakes us to our core and hopefully transforms us for the better. It is because of these inevitable tough experiences, that I am enamored with those who can make the most out of any given situation. 

So, this is when self-righteousness may begin to peek its judgmental schnoz. We start to point and compare life experiences and begin to rate hardships. Stop right there... cause each one of us was brought up in an extremely unique family dynamic, raised in different environments, exposed to a distinct culture, experienced incomparable core memories (which includes personal traumas) and born with our very own distinctive traits. What seems feasible for some, may seem impossible for another. There is no universal measurement of how bad someone had it or who had it worse. Hardships are one hundred percent personal and nonetheless something that we need to learn how to be empathetic about. 

By the same token, we will never truly understand something until it happens to us. 

Friend A: You're exaggerating, friend; it's not that deep. 
Friend B: Why do you judge a pain you haven't lived?

Meaning, I did not fully understand death and the importance of being present at funerals, until I was sitting front row at my dad's service. Before this, I did not like attending funerals, but being on that front row made me realize the importance of being there for someone who just lost a loved one. 

Meaning, I did not completely understand compromise, until I met the love of my life. Before meeting my husband, I was going on 12 years of dating and being single, so I could not understand those women who would give up so much in order to make it work. Wait, I still don't agree with giving up your individuality for someone, but I do understand now the importance of compromise in a relationship especially when each one comes with their own baggage, perspectives and love language. 

Meaning, I did not truly understand infertility and miscarriages, until my husband and I began our own journey of trying to conceive. Before all this, I'd hear Invitro and miscarriages and was like okay; but let me tell you why I empathize on a deeper, more personal level with all those struggling with infertility. Because our journey thus far includes about 800+ injections (that I've administered), numerous doctor visits in McAllen/ Houston/ Matamoros/ Corpus/ Reynosa, two failed IUIs, endured two heartbreaking miscarriages in August 2022 👼🏻 & March 2023 👼🏻, getting our hopes up every single month for about 39 months only to repeat with hopeful tears: "Maybe next month"... and then as soon as I overcame my torturous D&C recovery, we decided to give Invitro a try only for it to be unsuccessful as well. We definitely have a newfound respect and admiration for women who have gone through invitro, because it is one TOUGH ass journey to embark on... mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. 

I have also learned that comments such as "you can always adopt" or "a baby should be a blessing from God" are utterly insensitive and ignorant especially if it's coming from someone who already has children. You have no idea the profound desire some women have of conceiving their own baby. It is unfathomable. And to quote Brené Brown, "If you're not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback." 

Like the Avengers: Endgame though, we have literally done "Whatever It Takes." Tell me how can we possibly lose hope when this is the deepest, most driven desire we've cultivated together? It has only drawn us closer and made our love, admiration and appreciation stronger!  

And to come full circle, no one is exempt from experiencing hardships. Yes, life can be tough as hell, but it's what we do with the cards we are dealt with. Don't forget about what you already have that you prayed for and that what you have, someone may yearn for & vice versa. You can't always get what you want, but you can ALWAYS do your absolute best.

We are all fighting different battles, and no one is coming out alive anyways, so might as well make the best of it. 

"Life is not the party you imagined, but we're already here... so let's dance!"

Have yourself a good cry, pick yourself up, accept the things that you cannot change, make bold prayers, embrace the lessons, continue waking up with a grateful heart and keep on ROCKIN' N' ROLLIN', BABY! 

And for plucks sake... ¡Con Todo, Pa'Todo y En Todo! 

Summer Travels 2015- Reflection

My gitana soul is content with all my summer travels! I came home a bit overwhelmed trying to sort these million thoughts that are racing through my head; SO many experiences and SO much expansion! I met some extraordinary and amazing people who have inspired me to be, to want and to do more (as if I don't keep myself busy as it is)! I was also able to spend time with many of my beloveds who despite the distance, we picked up where we left off. I'm a lucky little lady and I'm so in LOVE with my life experience! ♥ And of course, a few summer romances along the way that continue to show me how I keep getting closer to my Iron man --Oh yes... I can feel it and I will keep collecting data while still enjoying the passion and pleasure on the way! ✌ ♥ Peace & Love, my friends.

Zumba con go2danz

Recopilación de mis trabajos

Hay que cerrar

Quiero compartir unos versos que escribí en el 2005, que por cierto pensaba que eran palabras que iban a marcar un fin victorioso. Estaba equivocada porque en realidad son viejos sentimientos que por buen rato siguieron dejando huellas en mi futuro. Ya basta con tener que seguir cargando esas mugres maletas emocionales que pesan más que la chingada, y conseguirme equipaje nuevo… con llantitas, ¡Claro!

Hay Que Cerrar

Aunque quisiera decidirme por lo tanto que me cuchicheas,
Mi corazón no deja de insistirme que un reposo de emergencia es necesario.
¿Un reposo? ¿Acaso el corazón toma descanso?
Pues lo difícil que es de entenderlo, es como el empate de lo que es combatirlo.
¿Un combate? ¿Una guerra?
Sí, y en un suelo resbaloso en donde tomar paso es dificultoso.
Y así causando que levante mi bandera…
¿Bandera?
Pero claro, la blanca.
La fuerza individual claro que no es suficiente,
Pues la ayuda de un mas grande ser es concluyente.
Claro, ahora entiendo…
Entiendo que hasta un joven corazón se cansa,
Se cansa…
De sufrir.
Y es por eso donde surgen ilusiones, o serán mas como desilusiones,
Que culminan laberintos de confusiones,
Arraigándose de mí y causando tantas otras equivocaciones.
Y si por mí fuera,
Desalojaría cada pensamiento
Cada acontecimiento
Cada herida por las tantas puñaladas
Y así cerrando el libro….
¿El libro?
Sí, el libro,
El de decepciones y del mal de amores.
Pero yo no tengo fuerza, ni manos
¿Será la fuerza del tiempo que me ayudará a encerrarlo?
Mi última esperanza sería esa…
Depender del tiempo para que así deje de hojear,
Hojear y hojear porque estoy atrasada,
Otro libro es donde debo de estar.
¡Pues claro!
Si en este ya debería de haber llegado…
¿Llegado?
¡Sí! En donde dice El Fin.