Thirty (ish)

Looking back at my wild twenties feels almost ancient to me. I have to admit that I was a little worried that I was never going to get tired of all the partying. Who would have thought that I would now be spending almost all of my free time attached to my husband’s hip and drinking once in a blue moon? Laura Luzbeth Coria so devoted to her husband and turning down drinks? Y’all better believe it… I love this guy more than I ever thought possible and drinking is just not as enticing when you’re trying to stay fit. I strongly desire and envision myself being a self-sufficient, devoted mother (just like my Momma) and am grateful that when the time comes to be a mom, I won’t have those “wild 20” cravings because I have truly gotten them out of my system already; thank goodness!

Even though our twenties are so fun and carefree, there is something undeniably and incredibly enjoyable about being in our thirties; well, that's until I got to the total game changers... 35 and 36! My, oh, my, have these been some tumultuous years. Would these years be considered early midlife crisis?  

When I decided to move to a small town to be with my then-boyfriend-now-hubby that was perhaps one of the biggest leaps of faith I had ever taken. We weren't engaged yet and I had never lived with a guy before, mostly because I had avoided serious relationships for about 12 years. Also, what would a small town life be like for someone who has always thrived with that hustle and bustle lifestyle? But of course I was up for the challenge! Although I have always prided myself with my ability to adapt to new environments without completely assimilating and being able to maintain my essence, it has not been as easy as I thought it would be. The complexities of love and relationships alone are a lot of work... and then add work stress, vicarious trauma from counseling students, being away from family & friends, a global pandemic, multiple deaths in the family and then also dealing with heartbreaking infertility (that is a whole other story). It’s been an extremely heavy period in my life, but filled with important life lessons and definitely humbling at the same time. 

 

One thing that hasn't change for me is my love for traveling. I’ve had my fair share of solo travels, but now I LOVE traveling with my husband and cannot wait to take our future babies on adventures (that we pray God blesses us with eventually). Traveling is essential because it broadens your horizons and is genuinely the best education you can get. To me a good life is a life well-traveled. When my husband and I were dating we made a deal that if we were going to live in little Agua Dulce, we had to travel as much as we could possibly fit in our busy schedule; and we are beyond grateful that together we’ve been able to visit 12 different states other than Texas and six foreign countries. And finally after living here for four years, I can honestly say that I love coming back to our peaceful home in the middle of nowhere; because even after all my travels, Texas is our favorite place to come home to. Texas IS Home.

You think that by 30 you will have learned the lessons from all of your “mistakes” or have healed from all your past wounds; and, I’m 30 (ish) and still learning new lessons as well as still healing from past hurts. You will come across similar situations that you hadn't quite fully overcome in your younger years, and it will trigger dormant feelings that you thought no longer existed within you. The point is to practice self-awareness and keep yourself in check.

Regardless, it's about being appreciative of all the learning and healing we’ve experienced thus far. Getting older means being even more selective about everything in general; but it's awesome knowing that we go through a continuous metamorphosis and shed off old misconceptions and naive mindsets while at the same time feeling more complete than ever.

Do not be merely surviving and going through the motions of life by relying on adaptive survival/coping mechanisms. Perhaps you didn’t partake in enough self-discovery or risk-taking in your twenties? Well, it's never too late to start! Please don't just point out the flaws in everyone else without focusing on your own. It can also be because denial and ignorance are bliss, since accepting the reality will be much too painful, require too much courage and/ or work. Life is an ongoing journey of growth though; we must continue to keep learning, improving and growing. We will continue to bump into new situations and encounter contrast because it is needed in order for us to shoot new rockets of desire and expand wonderfully. Trust the Process. 

I’m far from my years of medicating hurts or disappointments; less band-aiding and more digging deep to find the roots which need tending to. I’ve learned that no matter what I’ve been through, I’m glad that at least the harm was self-inflicted and I didn’t hurt others. I know we are all self-righteous, but God knows my heart and therefore my cup runneth over endlessly. I love how sincere and honest I am especially because it’s my favorite thing to see in others. I have been in many situations that have “tested” me and I have proudly and courageously stayed true to myself. Life feels extra sweet when you haven’t compromised your integrity in order to obtain something you desire.

At this point in my life, I have experienced a wide array of hardships and failures as well as successes and accomplishments. And I’m at a point in my life... where I’ve partied plenty to the point where I don’t need it anymore because I've upgraded my priorities; where I think about my health much more so that I have a better chance of living longer; where I can honestly say I don’t need to hear an “I’m sorry” in order to forgive (forgetting is the issue); where I’ve learned to accept and even point out my own faults; where I’ve become more tolerant with others and truly put an effort in seeing their positive aspects; where compassion & understanding are KEY but also keeping our distance from toxic people who are intrinsically unhappy and malicious beings; where I've learned to modify my habits which have improved my overall health; where I’ve come full circle with my renewed faith in God; where mainly and most importantly, I feel empowered knowing that I have the capacity to change whatever no longer serves me in order to continue expanding and becoming that woman I envisioned myself growing into... it was gonna happen at some point! We can only get better and better! I not only want this for myself, but also so that my future babies have a healthy mother who has a better chance of living longer for them, who is devoted to them, who is happy, who loves herself, who is kind, who is honest, who is faithful, who is fun, who takes them traveling and who is a disciplined role model that leads by example. 

I’m beginning to get the hang of "adulting". Even though life is not a competition, we all get sucked into this rat race of wanting more than we need in order to compete and be "better" than others; instead MOTIVATE, INSPIRE & UPLIFT each other! Tune into your own rhythm because everyone has their own beat. Enjoy the unique dance your life choreographs just for you. We all have an expiration date, so smile at the fact that since you know you’re going to die you’re going to make it your dominant intent to fill your life with beautiful memories of smiling, loving, laughing, doing good, being grateful and doing what makes you happy! 

Rx: Positive Mindfulness

I once ran a full 26.2 mile marathon and this experience on its own shed so much light on how powerful our mind is. When you are determined and focused on your objective the possibilities are endless. The most I had ever run before that was three miles and not once did I doubt the possibility of accomplishing this goal. I remember feeling so much pain in my knees the morning of the race because I had hurt them on my 20 mile training run. The pain did not make me succumb to forfeiture though. I was committed to this challenge and with all my kind donors who believed in me, that no matter how much pain I felt I was going to endure it until the end. 

At the Hilton-San Francisco lobby about ready for the Nike Women's Marathon 2012! 

I stopped at the 13 mile marker for pain killers and then at mile 22 for ice packs. The doctor advised me to stop running, but what was 4.2 miles at this point? So I kept on running! I wanted to run a full marathon as a personal goal but if I was going to run that much distance I was going to do it for a great cause. I had envisioned myself fundraising for a noble cause, reaching my fundraising goal and arriving at the finish line where a San Francisco firefighter would be waiting for me carrying my little blue box with my marathon finisher Tiffany & Co. necklace. Finishing a marathon requires so much determination and it is one of the most exhilarating and fulfilling experiences... EVER! 

I surpassed my fundraising goal! My fundraising page: http://pages.teamintraining.org/sctx/nikesf12/lcoriadnk2

And despite partaking in a run for the cure, I did not expect to one day be at a hospital (exactly three years later) and experience a doctor telling us that our father has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. That is one tough ass pill to swallow. That dreaded six letter curse word that makes you cringe every time you hear it. 

The first two weeks were a dark, negative blur but as the murkiness cleared up I began to do my own personal therapy which always allows me to inevitably see the silver lining. I began to put more attention to my feelings of GRATITUDE, APPRECIATION & LOVE with all our family and friends who have been showering us with so much love and support during these times. We have an exceptional support system going and this only shows how beautiful and inspiring humans can be. It is such an inspiration to see how people get together in times of need. We were all devastated for my Daddy-O, but seeing so much LOVE has been even more POWERFUL and impacting than the time we got the news from the doctor. Our spirits have been uplifted and we have expanded wonderfully in a different way. 

I've convinced myself that cancer or any sickness is not superior to the strong spirit of a person filled with positivity. I strongly believe that WE are superior. I think that it has been stigmatized so much that even just the uttering of those six letters can make you sick. That word makes us wobble; therefore, I prefer to not utter those words but rather tell my dad that he has a 'gripita' that requires a stronger dosage. 

Sometimes I feel the best prescription to any ailment is having positive mindfulness or using positive/ cognitive psychology on oneself.  This means a plethora of things such as being consciously aware of your thoughts, having a strong mind, being emotionally intelligent, being informed yet staying positive despite how alarming some info can be, maintaining the balance, being at peace with where you're at, finding the silver lining in everything and just chillin'; cause we're not coming out alive anyway, so we might as well chill and make the most of our time! 

This may be easier said than done, but if you're at a point where you can't enjoy life due to sickness ask yourself: What can help diffuse the pain right now so I can regain my happiness? What will help me flow towards the cure or solution? 

The strong desire to get better and the envisioning how good you want to feel. Focusing and visualizing on how amazing you want life to be right now will have you going downstream versus upstream. You must have a sense of purpose to be alive. Why do you want to be alive? And then visualize yourself there.

“Therefore the more worry, expressed fear, resistance or panic you have towards negative energy, the more it has the ability to steal your vital life force. Constantly talking about the Illuminati, the government, the 1% or some seemingly demonic forces keeping you or the World stuck, literally gives these forces your power and energy. That’s right, the very act of thinking about how much power negative forces have, is the very way they can take your power from you. Don’t feed the Trolls…they have an insatiable appetite and have no problem feasting on everything you hold dear." (Abraham-Hicks) 

Finishing that 26.2 mile run with a sigh of relief and two thumbs up! 

When you're looking at the direction of where you want to be, naturally you will flow there. How can you expect to get what you desire when you keep on looking at the opposite direction? Be aware of the power of your thoughts! Remember that your thoughts are so powerful that they can heal you or destroy you! 

On the same token: “Without the problem there can never be a solution. Without the problem there cannot be the expansion, and most important, there cannot be the journey from the problem to the solution which is what we are all about.”

Peace & Love, my friends,  ✌ & ♥.