Relationship IQ: TBD

It’s perplexing how reading a great deal of advice on relationships doesn’t actually help you obtain the relationship you want. These books are usually so enthusiastic about how you can get the relationship you want if you read carefully and follow their simple steps; but the only things I’ve had are the complete opposites which are short-lived flings. It can be frustrating as to why this seems almost impossible to achieve not just for me, but for many of my fellow people.  

So if I read about relationships so much and enjoy giving advice on them, why is it that I can’t apply my “expertise” on my romantic life?  

I think like literature, different interpretations can be inferred but impossible to imbibe or get one certain answer. Why can’t relationships be like math where you are able to get one answer when you add, subtract, multiply or divide correctly?  

I’m beginning to question the legitimacy of these books. But for the sake of shining light on this contentious topic, let’s dig in to see if we can possibly get a new understanding by doing a little more probing.

I’ve come up with several reasons as to why relationships can go sour.

First we’d have to start where it all began and that is our first breakup. For most this usually occurred in high school or with our high school sweetie. Whatever the reason was for the breakup it’s going to be most likely being due to a lack of experience. You really didn’t know what to expect, how to act, how to react and how much you can or should’ve tolerated.  Some may think that after that first hard breakup you will be scarred forever and will never believe in love again. Please, breathe and get it together!

Put a bandage over those hurts and become more emotionally intelligent.

I genuinely believe that everyone should have that one heartbreak from which to learn and grow from. Some end up staying with the same partner forever, but I think that is something that will rarely prove prosperous.  I think that when you try to have a serious relationship before your mid 20s, it will only bring more confusion and problems because you are still evolving drastically. What you loved when you were 15, 20 and/or 25 is going to all be skewed depending on your experiences. You’re still trying to fit into the professional world, adapting to new environments and trying to become financially stable. Along with all this, you are still very intrigued with the idea of “the grass may be greener on the other side.” Don’t feel guilty about this, you’re still figuring yourself out and you’re not sure what you really want and expect in a relationship. Giving love a try is completely okay even in the midst of all this change, but learning our lesson from the failed ones and raising the bar higher from where our innocence and lack of experience had set it at, is a must.

There are also some who are seeking instant gratification more so than a prolonged commitment. Where it can get frustrating is when you can't distinguish from genuinely being interested in this new person or if you're mainly seeking for your at-the-moment need to be fulfilled. 

Are you having a tedious dry period of no sex and you feel all of a sudden ready for a relationship? Or maybe work or school has you way too stressed out that you need that comfort loving just like you need comfort food on an upsetting situation? Did you just breakup and already feel like you’re falling in love again?

This has happened to all of us and you will never be the first or the last person this happens to. We all have biological needs but before you embark on a determined hunt for getting them fulfilled, question yourself if you just want that booty or are you really wanting a potential partner to fulfill that for you.  Secondly, when you have so much stress in your life everything seems a bit hazy so just remember that you should have your stress levels at a manageable level in order to make a more reasonable decision on matters of the heart. Lastly, after a breakup we begin to reconstruct our life without them so a longing to find someone to fill that gap in our life will arise.  I do think that finding a rebound can help ease the pain, but you need to ask yourself if it’s just a rebound or if this person is actually giving you what you really wanted and what the other person failed to give.

I strongly believe that it is a matter of achieving a healthy level of emotional intelligence and self-fulfillment. If you’re in control of your emotions, are able to love yourself and are also able to make yourself happy, then you will attract your reflection. Sounds easy, right? Let’s just leave our relationship IQ on TBD to allow this to marinate well in our mind.  It’s a fun topic nonetheless, so don’t get overly concerned about it and enjoy giving it a try. You never know what your openness to this will fetch your way.