A while back a friend said something that really stuck with me. She said, "When I became a mother, I stopped judging." It was a short, simple statement that to me had incredible depth. Because not only do our little ones develop differently and at their own pace, but we are all just doing whatever it takes with what we know. The comparison trap leads to self-righteous judging which is ultimately the thief of joy, full stop.
And while it's true what they say about never truly understanding until we have our own, that statement is like a double-edged sword; because now that I am a mother, I feel an overwhelming amount of grace, but I also cannot fathom how some mothers be. Like why are we so hard to judge others? How are we not genuinely rooting for each other after going through such a life-changing experience? How are we not extending grace especially to new mothers experiencing postpartum? The amount of criticism or unsolicited advice new mothers receive is astounding. And it's pretty disappointing. Shouldn't we be on the same team? Did we not experience something intensely similar? Why are we doing to others what we wouldn't like done to us? So many unanswered questions yet one thing is certain, motherhood is tough as f*ck.
The current tragic news about the women who battled severe postpartum depression has been weighing heavily on me. Not many know that this medical condition is actually classified under the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be to be experiencing this while mothering. You're at your most vulnerable state after giving so much of yourself growing a little human in your womb and then doing your best to keep them alive. Then throw in recovery, breastfeeding, little sleep, hormonal imbalances, adjusting to a new identity and in some cases, dealing with an unsupportive partner. I may not have experienced PPD, but you don't have to personally experience it to be able to imagine the amount of hopelessness they felt. My heart aches for these mommas and their babies.
I do think that the majority of women can empathize to some degree even if they do not openly admit it. Heck, I can even feel empathy for those who have forgotten their babies in the car. I can see how mom brain fog coupled with major stressers can affect some to that degree. And before some of you start with your "I would never," count your blessings and be grateful that you are not in their situation. Stay humble enough to extend grace because our life can change in a second.
I want to close with sharing that eventhough I enjoy sharing my favorite mom moments, please know that there are also days when this momma is experiencing an intense emotional roller coaster. Please know that I am just so grateful because our fertility journey was far from easy. Please know that as much as I love to romanticize my motherhood, that does not mean I do not have days where I am in tears about something or anything. Please know that I am a text or call away if you need someone to talk to. We do not have to go through this alone. Reach out to someone you trust. I pray for everyone, but especially for those mommas and babies who are going through their toughest season. God sees you, God loves you.
